


oh atlas, share your burden

by holy1_hell1



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, M/M, POV Alternating, and he gets one, athena's is buck's mum and bobby's buck's dad, coda to s4ep5, fluff but kinda, i don't make the rules, no beta we die like the lady who tripped and accidentally shot herself, only towards the end, this is so overdue rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 12:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30105756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holy1_hell1/pseuds/holy1_hell1
Summary: He gives the rope one more tug, he puts everything he has, every fibre of his being. A scream is ripped from his throat, it's raw and scratchy and brutal. A sob follows as he falls to the floor, the fire continues to burn and Evan Buckley was going to die the way he came into this world; alone.orin which people have a few conversations with buck
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 259





	oh atlas, share your burden

**Author's Note:**

> this is way overdue, ah well, it si what it is.
> 
> i hc that eddie cannot keep a secret to save his life, like this man grew up with two older sisters, you think he couldn't not gossip?
> 
> but anyway, enjoy!

_**BUCK PULLS ON THE ROPE** , _ he pulls with all his might, practically throwing himself to the ground but it's not enough. _He's not enough._

The fire rages all around him but he's never felt colder, he can feel the water dripping down, but he can't _really feel_ it, can't tell whether it's hot or cold; he's numb. He tries again, pulling with everything he has. 

He falls to his knees, tears mixing with the water on his face and tries again, but the vat doesn't budge. 

His chest constricts, he can't tell if it's from the smoke-filled air, the burden of Maddie's revelation or his own body giving up on him after what he's put it through, knowing his luck, it's probably all three. It presses on his chest and part of him craves the pressure, longs for it even. He grew up in a house where the only love he received were hugs and kisses from Maddie and spared glances from his parents. 

It makes sense now _why_ he got those spared glances, his parent's eyes would linger for a second, flitting across his face, before they'd go back to whatever they're doing. Then he found out how to make them last a second longer, a minute if was lucky so Buck took every chance he could, every path he came across that was dangerous he welcomed with open arms because getting hurt meant getting loved, and that's all he ever wanted; to be loved.

Then he turned 16 and concerned looks turned into harsh glares and lectures and Buck longed to be a child again, longed for his mother's exasperated looks and his father's laugh as Buck came back inside covered in a bruise or a cut or both. Maddie had run away long ago and left Buck behind in the shell of a house. He had to patch up his cuts, no one held him as he winced when the antiseptic touched an open wound, no one brushed his tears away as the pain would flare up, no one to place a kiss on his head and tell him that they love him. He was a ghost in his own house - not _home_ because it stopped being a home when Maddie left him with strangers that gave birth to him, fed him and clothed him.

The water continued to fall and his throat continues to burn, tears still fell and he still felt numb. 

He looks up to Saleh, his chest moving ever so slightly and Buck keeps his head low in a silent apology, he wasn't enough to save him, he wasn't even enough to save his own brother.

He gives the rope one more tug, he puts everything he has, every fibre of his being. A scream is ripped from his throat, it's raw and scratchy and brutal. A sob follows as he falls to the floor, the fire continues to burn and Evan Buckley was going to die the way he came into this world; alone.

Eddie hears Buck scream before he actually sees Buck and his heart drops, he picks up pace, aware that Chim, Hen and Bobby do the same. 

The thing about Evan Buckley was that he never gave up and Eddie admired it, how he would find the strength to fight, how he would do everything in his power to save someone, even if it meant sacrificing himself. Eddie had seen it in the way he showed up wounded and bleeding at the VA hospital, mere seconds away from passing out from exhaustion, had seen it in the way he didn't give up on Eddie the night the tunnel collapsed, had seen it in the way he hung from an unstable train suspend mid-air to save people; Evan Buckley never gave up.

He rounds the corner and all the breath is sucked out from him despite wearing an oxygen mask, because Buck was on the floor, sagging against the rope as he tries to pull the vat off the man lying on the floor. _Pulling_ wasn't the right word, he was throwing himself against the ground - or as much as the poorly made lever would let him - Eddie couldn't see his face but he knew Buck well enough to see that he'd _given up_. The hunched shoulders and scream were enough to tell Eddie, he knew Buck like the back of his hand. 

Buck screams again, a ragged and rough scream, and it should be impossible but Eddie hears a broken plea, a call for help and Buck collapses. 

He grabs the rope and the others follow, pulling, and Buck turns to them, eyes wide as if he didn't expect them to come. If Eddie had it in him, he would've thrown up out of pure fear because there was nothing in Buck's eyes. Eddie had gotten so used to the fire that burned bright in Buck, the one that Eddie thought nothing could extinguish, that he couldn't believe he was looking at Buck, the fire had been smothered, leaving him staring at a man he barely recognised, there was no spark or ember; they were hollow. 

Hen pulls the man out and Chim helps, leaving Bobby and Eddie to tend to Buck. 

He grabs him looping his right arm around his shoulders as Bobby does the same with his left arm. They practically drag him and Eddie _knows_ that the fight in Buck is gone, he prays that it is only _for now_ because Eddie doesn't know what he's going to do if he looks deeper and finds out that _Buck gave up_. 

He watches from afar as Bobby, Hen and Athena talk to Buck. Chim is by his side face pinched with worry.

"He's going to be alright," Eddie doesn't know who he's trying to reassure, him or Chim.

"I know," Chim sighs, "I just- we've come so close to losing him, I'm pretty sure he's given _me_ grey hairs."

Eddie snorts in agreement as Bobby hugs Buck.

"He'll fight to come back to us, you know that."

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth as images of Buck's sagging body and hollow eyes, but he keeps repeating it in his head, maybe if he says it enough times, it'll happen; the whole fake it till you make it shtick.

Whatever Athena tells Buck works, there's a spark in his eyes - it's not much, but it's enough for now - and Eddie feels his chest loosen just a bit, as Buck breathes a bit easy now. 

He keeps his distance, for now, trying to sort through his emotions so that he could be there, be present for Buck. The image of Buck's sagging body haunts him as he makes his way into the showers, letting the hot water washing away the dirt and grime from his body. Bobby had taken Buck to the hospital to get a check-up - much to Buck's protest of _'I'm fine, Hen and the other paramedics cleared me',_ which Eddie think is bullshit because Buck was not fine.

Eddie always worried about Buck, it was like an instinct he developed after the elevator nearly crushed him in the earthquake. Eddie's pretty sure he's developed more than a few grey hairs because of Buck, not that he minds, because on most days he can shake off the worry because he knows Buck will bounce back. But after seeing him today, Eddie can't shake the worry like he normally does, the hollowness of Buck's eyes will haunt him till the day he dies. He can still hear the echos of Buck's scream ringing in his head like a broken record. 

"Bobby says they're just about to leave the hospital, they're going to stop to get some food into Buck." Chim informs as Eddie gets out of the shower, "And, uh, heads up, the Buckley's are here, sans our favourite ones of course."

Eddie chuckles, wrapping the towel around him and gets dressed.

The Buckley's are everything Eddie expected, in which he didn't expect anything at all; Margaret Buckley was a small woman with a tight smile that looked like a cheap knock off of Buck's, Phillip Buckely reminded him of Buck physically and that's where the similarities ended; Maddie truly did raise Buck because not a single part of them was reflected in Buck.

"Hello, we're looking for Evan," She says, "He's supposed to be on shift today."

"He is," Eddie confirms, "He's just getting checked out at the hospital, he should be back soon."

"Hospital? What's he done this time?" His father asks, exasperated, but not the kind that Bobby or Athena or any of them use when Bucks unhealthy amount of hospital trips becomes a topic of conversation; there's no fondness, all Eddie could hear was annoyance.

Eddie sees red but Hen beats it to him.

"Saved a man's life is what's he's done," She replies, her tone icy, "Bobby's taken him to make sure he's alright."

"That's- that's not what we meant," Margaret stammers back.

"Then what did you mean?" Eddie asks, crossing his arms.

"We - he just ends up a lot in the hospital, it's not safe."

Eddie scoffs, "Since when do you care about his safety?"

"He's our son, of course, we care about him!"

"You sure got a funny way of showing it." Eddie retorts unable to bite his tongue. 

"Eddie," Hen warns, but Eddie can tell she wants to snap at them too.

"You don't know what-"

"What I do know is that in the past 3 years that I've known Buck, I've never heard him talk about you until the week before you showed up. I didn't see you when he was crushed by the fire truck, had a pulmonary embolism, was caught in a tsunami or any other time he was injured," He interrupts, "In fact, Maddie's never mentioned you either, none of you came to visit when your daughter was in the hospital after her ex-husband tried to kill her, come to think of it. I have a son and if he went through a fraction of the things your children went through, I know for a fact that I wouldn't leave his side. Your daughter ran away to her brother instead of running to you, _her parents_ , and Buck ran away as far as he could _from_ you; that tells me everything I need to know Mr and Mrs Buckley."

They take a step back, properly chastised and face red from shame, embarrassment or anger, Eddie can't really tell, maybe a mixture of all three. 

"I-" Marget starts, voice shaky as her eyes fill with tears, "He never told us."

"It's your job as parents to ask, to make sure that your kids are alright," Hen replies.

Margaret looks down and grasps her husband's hand.

"Could you tell us about him? What's he like?" Philip asks, voice hesitant. 

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek, holding back the insult that he wants to throw at them because they should be the ones asking the questions, not his parents.

"We'd love to," Hen takes over, voice polite but Eddie knows that it's a false cheeriness, "Why don't you come upstairs and wait?"

They nod and follow Hen upstairs, Eddie trails behind them.

Buck doesn't know where Bobby is taking them, Bobby hasn't said anything to him yet, in fact, he hasn't said a word to him since their little talk in the ambulance and Buck feels like he's waiting to be yelled at; it eerily reminded him of the way his own father would wait until they got home before yelling at him.

Bobby slows the truck down, parking in front of a diner that Buck doesn't recognise.

"C'mon, we gotta get some food in you," He tells Buck as he gets out of the truck, and Buck follows, confusion and apprehension swirling within him.

He's greeted by the smell of bacon, eggs and coffee as they enter the diner, and his mouth water and stomach grumbles. he's just lucky that it didn't grumble loudly. He follows Bobby as he leads them to a table. Where Athena sat.

Buck blinks, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening. 

"Are you going to stand all day or are you going to sit?" Athena asks, quirking her eyebrow as she leans back against the booth. 

Buck flushes and quickly takes a seat opposite her and Bobby. 

"Hey ya'll," A waitress greets them and Buck's been on enough shifts where he hasn't gotten nearly as much sleep as he would've liked to, to know that the lady in front of them is going through the same thing, "What can I get for you?"

Buck goes to answer but Athena beats him to it, "2 number 3s for us and a number 4 for Buck, and coffee would be great."

"Alright, coming right up," She smiles at them and leaves.

"They have got the best pancakes in L.A., trust me," Bobby reassures him, and Buck doesn't really need it, because he trusts Bobby and Athena, knows that they wouldn't do him wrong, even if it was as simple and mundane as breakfast. 

If Buck was being honest, Bobby and Athena had been better parents to him in the past four years than his parents had been in the past 29. Unlike his parents, they were willing to take a chance on him, allow him to prove himself and Buck would've never been as happy as he is now.

"Thank you," He says suddenly, needing to show his gratitude because, without them, Buck doesn't know where he'd be.

Bobby furrows his eyebrows, "For the pancakes?"

Buck can't help but smile, "No uh," He responds, rubbing the back of his neck, "Thank you for not giving up on me, both of you; you had every right to give up on me, but you didn't so I- uh, just thank you."

Something flashes across their faces, too quick for Buck to pinpoint what and they share a glance and Buck suddenly feels like he's said something wrong. 

"Buck," Athena reaches across the table, clasping her hands, it's so motherly, and Buck has to blink back the tears gathering in his eyes, "You don't ever have to thank us for that, ever."

Buck's confused, the type where you wake up after a nap and nothing makes sense for the few minutes and everything just seems wrong because nothing makes sense to him now, why they're being so kind and gentle with him all of a sudden and it must show on his face because Bobby places his hand on Buck as well and squeezes.

"Buck," Bobby's voice is gentle and fatherly, Buck can barely remember when his own father's voice ever sounded like that, "You're family kid, and family loves without condition, supports without condition."

 _Oh_. 

"Bobby's right Buck," Athena reassures him, squeezing his hand, "I know we didn't get off on the right foot at first, but you, Evan Buckley, have grown into a man that I am proud to call family. You are the most kindhearted, selfless man I know and sure you get on my nerves sometimes because of how reckless you can be, but it's because I love you. We both know you think of Bobby as your father and he thinks of you as his son," She smiles and Buck flushes, "But you're like another son to me."

And fuck if that doesn't make him cry, he doesn't know what will.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to top that," Bobby chuckles, "But Athena's right, you've grown so much and I'm so proud of you Buck, nothing will change that. Whatever happens, we're going to be right by your side."

Buck's face is definitely red and tears are definitely streaming down his cheeks, "I- I-" He stutters as he takes a shuddering breath, "Thank you, both of you mean the world to me and I, uh, I love you guys."

By the time everyone's done telling stories about Buck, and Eddie means _everyone -_ anyone who was working at the 118 had something heartwarming to say about Buck, not that Eddie could fault them, Buck was one of the best people he's ever met - Eddie doesn't want to be anywhere near the Buckley parents. The shock they have on their face is enough to make him feel uncomfortable as if they couldn't believe that Buck could do anything like that; Eddie hates them. He's never hated anyone, but Eddie would definitely place the Buckley Parents on his 'hate list'.

He waits by the side entrance, pacing back and forth as he waits for Buck and Bobby to arrive. Logically Eddie knows that Buck's alright, Bobby would've told him otherwise but he can't stop the worry gnawing at him as he continues to wait. Buck's defeated eyes and sagging body are the only things his mind seems to remember and Eddie needs to see Buck to make sure that he's alright. He wants to talk to him, _properly_. Eddie hopes that Buck didn't give up because that's who Buck is, he would fight till the end - at least that's what Eddie hopes for-, but the ' _what if?'_ in his head won't leave him alone. So he continues to wait, praying that Buck and Bobby come back soon,

Eddie's prayers are answered when the truck pulls up beside him and Bobby and Buck get out.

Eddie lets out a breath as he sees some of the mirth in Buck's eyes return.

"Doc says clean bill of health," Buck smiles, eye alight in a way that Eddie hadn't seen before the Buckley Parents came to L.A., and Eddie hates them just a little bit more.

"Show off," Eddie says, unable to keep the smile off his face because Evan Buckley is standing in front of him, alive and Eddie swears he's happy.

"I had to do it," Buck responds, ducking his head as blush coasts his cheeks.

"I know you did," He replies, doing his very best to not just crush Buck in a hug right now, "You got some visitors."

Just like that the mirth and smile drop off Buck's face and Eddie's left staring at a man who's doing a bad job of looking like Evan Buckley. Eddie watches as Buck takes the stairs up, slowly. 

_Yep, he definitely hates Margaret and Philip Buckley._

Their shift just ended and Eddie feels conflicted, he knows he should talk to Buck about the factory fire, but he knows that Buck needs space.

"Everything okay Eddie?"

Eddie nearly jumps at Bobby's voice.

"Yeah, everything's good Cap."

Bobby raises his eyebrows in a way that's a bit too reminiscent of Athena and Eddie's this close to caving in.

"You sure?"

Eddie bites his lip, trying to make up his mind.

"Whatever is eating at you now, I suggest you talk about," Bobby says eventually, "Go with your gut Eddie."

Eddie lets out a sigh, "Thanks, Cap."

"Anytime Eddie," He smiles, "And by the way, Buck really likes the Thai food from the restaurant that's by his place and I overheard Chim saying that Albert's coming to stay with him and Maddie for a few days."

"I - What... This - Buck-" Eddie splutters; _he wasn't that obvious was he?_

"Goodnight Eddie," He claps him on the back and walks out of the station, leaving him behind feeling flustered.

Eddie ends up at Buck's front door an hour later with a six-pack and take out from the Thai place. 

Eddie's already taken Buck's key's from his keychain when Eddie's hit with _the_ realisation. 

Buck's an integral part of Eddie's life, woven in with everything that Eddie's built in L.A. It's braided perfectly, whatever loose ends there were, Buck's pulled them in, helped him build the life he wanted to have but also what he wanted to give Christopher. Memories flash through his mind and Eddie realises that without Buck, he wouldn't be here living his life. 

_Eddie loves Buck._

He unlocks the door and walks in, Eddie's not a guest in Buck's house, he never was. 

"Hey," Buck greets him as if it was completely normal for Eddie to walk into his house with beer and dinner, _like they were together._

"Hey," He responds, keeping his voice steady because - holy shit - Eddie's in love with his best friend and Eddie cannot keep a secret to save his life, well he's not bad as Chim, but he's still pretty bad, "I got dinner and beer, figured you could use the company."

"No way! That's my favourite place!" Buck exclaims as his eyes fall on the logo printed on the packet.

"Yeah, Bobby told me."

Buck hums in response as he takes the bag from him and places it on the counter. He turns around and grabs the plate before serving them. 

"I wanted to talk to you," Eddie finally says and winces when Buck freezes mid-bite and the colour drains from his face.

"You did?"

"Yeah," He replies, "I- at the factory fire..." Eddie trails off, unable to finish the sentence.

"Yeah? What about it?" Buck prompts, putting his chopsticks down and giving Eddie full attention. 

_Why did he decide to confront Buck? Eddie's about as emotional as a rock._

He might as well rip the band-aid off, "Did you give up?"

Buck looks like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and unbelieving and it confirms Eddie's fear.

"I, uh, it just-"

"Buck," He interrupts, voice firm enough to tell Buck that he wasn't playing around, "Answer the question. Please."

Buck looks down, "Yes," He whispers.

Eddie inhales sharply, hearing Buck say it out loud was enough to make sure that Eddie would never leave his side - not that he ever would.

"You- you can't," Eddie's voice cracks, as his emotions try to come up to the surface, "You can't give up, _ever Buck."_

"I - I tried to fight Eddie, _I tried so hard_ ," He implores, eyes wet with tears and Eddie resists the urge to wipe his tears, "But I couldn't save him," Eddie wonders whether he was talking about Saleh or Daniel, " _I was so tired Eddie."_

Eddie abandons all thought and walks towards Buck and pulls him in a hug; holds him tight, and Buck shudders, wrapping his arms around Eddie. 

They stand like that for what feels like an eternity, not that Eddie mind, he loves hugging Buck.

Buck pulls away first, eyes red-rimmed and Eddie's sure his look similar.

"Buck, you have to promise me, that whatever happens, that you won't give up ever again."

"I don't-"

"Buck," He pushes, "You cannot give up because you have a family waiting for you to come home."

"I know the 118-"

"I'm not talking about them," Eddie interjects, because he needs Buck to know, "I'm talking about me and Chris, you're family Buck. And we need you to come home to us."

"Eddie," Buck breathes, eyes shining with more tears, "I- you- we-"

"Buck," He says gently, "There's nothing that you can say or do that will change what I said; you're family Evan Buckley and I need you to promise me that you won't ever give up."

_You have to Buck, please._

"I promise," He replies, voice shaking as he looks at anywhere but Eddie, "I promise I won't give up."

Eddie finally breathes easy. 

"I love you."

It slips out before Eddie could pull the reigns back on his words, and at any other time, Buck's face would've been hilarious, eyes wide as his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

"What?" He chokes out.

Eddie's already spilt the beans so why not stir them now?

"I love you, it didn't hit me until I stood outside your door. Buck, I love you and I need you with me, I love you."

Buck breaks into a smile and Eddie's heart skips a beat, it's almost blinding and Eddie loves it.

"I love you too, Eds."

"Good," He grabs his hand and places a kiss on Buck's knuckles, "Because I don't plan on letting you go anywhere."

"I want to kiss you," Buck says softly, "But after everything that happened today, I - I want to kiss you tomorrow, start the day the best way I can."

Eddie smiles so hard that his cheeks hurt.

(Eddie wakes up to Buck pressing a kiss against his lips and Eddie never wants to let go.)

(Buck wake Eddie up by pressing a kiss against his lips and Buck vows that he's going to fight every time.)

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr !](http://ho1yhell.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [my twitter !](https://twitter.com/theosbuckley)


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